How to be confident

In this perfectly imperfect world of social media we are more and more sinking into, we are constantly being bombarded with the idea of becoming confident human beings who own their lives, their bodies and their future. Yet at the same time, the amount of people who express valuable concerns about not feeling comfortable in their own skin and lacking confidence and self-acceptance is constantly growing.

There is only one question here: Why is it so difficult to feel okay with who we are when everyone keeps talking about acceptance and self-love?

And the answer is simple.

Because we're trying too hard.

We're trying to be confident; to be social; to have the perfect body shape; to unapologetically be ourselves. We're trying to visibly stand out when in reality that's another way to fit in today's society of diversity.

And of course, since these problems are widely known, there have been plenty solutions presented to the world by people who claim to have found the secret to a blissful life.

Work out. Meditate. Do yoga. Start a new hobby. Count your blessings.

The problem is that we'll not find the kind of confidence we seek by working out, eating healthier foods and doing daily meditation. These are short-term solutions to deep and important problems; to problems that shouldn't have ever become a problem in the first place; to problems that are intrinsically parts of life's flow.

If we stop trying so hard to achieve something that we already have within us, we will understand that it wasn't so difficult to find it after all.

We are confident when we're not trying to be confident. We're beautiful when we're not trying to be beautiful. We're ourselves when we're not trying to be ourselves. It's already within us, the confidence we all seek. It's not a wise move to try to be ourselves. Because trying means that we are not where we want to be yet. And being ourselves isn't a destination, but an internal situation, a lifelong journey of losing and finding and at the same time enjoying life while still combating the waves.

The same goes for confidence. We should remember that confidence is not a permanent state. And that is okay, that is human. There is no reason to find the rule for eternal confidence when there is no such thing as eternal confidence. Trying to find something like that will only lead us to a cloudy path of unrealistic goals and unreachable standards; it will only lead us to a self-imposed misery.

There is confidence in knowing and accepting that we do not have to be confident all the time. There is power in knowing that there are more important qualities in a human being than confidence. Compassion, kindness, resilience, courage.

Not everything revolves around ourselves. Not everyone secretly criticizes us all the time. Yes, confidence is important. But confidence is also found when we are not actively seeking it. It has always been within us. What if we just stopped searching for internal things in external activities? What if we accepted the simple truth that we will not be confident all the time and that is okay?

We are humans. We are intrinsically insecure and confident, bold and timid, excited and downhearted. We are mosaics of contradictions and that's how we find balance. If we try to accentuate only one side of us---the side we want to face, the positive one, the pleasant one---that balance will collapse.

So, I think that it would be better if we tried to be human and accept everything that this bold statement brings to the surface: the good and the bad; the bright and the dark; the confidence and the lack of it.

American Queen